Save It For Shickshinny

Nostalgia

2011-09-27T22:22:00.004-04:00

So easy.
To live in the past.
The recent past. The recent, torrid, wonderful, sinewy take no prisoner blood-on-blood if-you-think-you-are-everything-then-what-news-is-your-suicide past.

Nostalgia is our hot-tub.

the tombstone with 10000 names

2011-07-29T21:52:00.005-04:00

Is your name in this picture?

From a wood-bound DC-3 crash site. 4 Dead, 7 Survivors.
10000 names like flowers on a grave.

Spoon Man

2011-07-29T20:57:00.004-04:00

Roger twists, melds, and imprints copper and silver into ornate spoons.

Ever have I ever...

2011-07-25T05:14:00.001-04:00

Gustavus, Alaska

northern exposures

2011-07-18T15:32:00.005-04:00

John filming the base of the Mendenhall Glacier.
Juneau, Alaska.

Moose tracks in Gustavus.

crab in shadow

2011-07-18T15:11:00.004-04:00

Lady Baltimore

2011-07-16T01:41:00.005-04:00

C is for Captivity.

Also: Canker, Coprolite, Cucumbering.

mask

2011-07-16T01:39:00.001-04:00

corpis colossal

2011-07-12T23:05:00.009-04:00

istanbul was constantinople
now it's istanbul not constantinople
see me today
just wait till you see me tomorrow
blooming fields of gerbera daisies
dancing once-dead dinosaurs awake
seeding the world
could be a job for two

I am your mind.

2011-07-09T00:11:00.004-04:00

read.
title.
again.

Nori Dori Do

2011-07-08T23:10:00.004-04:00

9-yr old Nora, freckle-faced and brilliant,
has spina bifada. I've only really known her for a day,
but before I left Rockport I treated her and her sister to ice cream.
"What kind would you like Nora?" I asked.
"The usual," she smiled.
Freakin' smartass.

Wood within wood

2011-06-12T23:38:00.006-04:00

A woodpile on a wet porch.
Cranberry Pond, Tolland, Massachusetts

Crescents

2011-06-12T23:35:00.007-04:00

Skaket Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

creation and destruction are symbionts

2011-06-03T09:55:00.004-04:00

creation and destruction are symbionts, continued

2011-06-03T09:53:00.010-04:00

2011, Year of the Tornado.

Mother Nature gloats above, giving birth to her infant wind golems, as if to say, "Oh, my lovers. Boundaries... are such a human concept."

In Springfield, on June 3rd, my nephew and I crossed through backyards, over powerlines and through canopies not meant to lay shattered across asphalt.

In those moments, we walked the afterbirth, and neither spoke.

Hooks and Needles

2011-05-22T18:40:00.004-04:00

Hurtling down a backwoods road, in search of fat trout waiting, you wonder:

Is this world filled with bait I chase?
Around this corner, will I lose control?

Cover my body, not for the sight but the sound of the audience attempting to mask their presence.

Layers

2011-04-13T23:04:00.001-04:00

Remington Arms, Bridgeport, CT
One layer among many invisible.

Duty

2011-04-13T22:15:00.019-04:00

Calvin knew what he was looking at, despite it being a distant smudge against an unremarkable plane of turf. This was a talent of his, putting puzzle pieces together, making sense out of noise. And the state of things, indeed, were bordering cacophonic.

He felt it coming, asphalt twisting under the vibrating grit. He held his arms out and turned his back to the highway. As the tractor trailer hurtled past, his thoughts turned to the concept of velocity. His spine answered the intestinal bellow of the truck. Speed, metal, tonnage. Carbon, thrust, impact.

And the memory of a witching-hour whisper in the dark, "Have you ever been in a train crash?"

"No," he had answered.

She had softly pulled his ear to her lips, "You … would love it."

Calvin pulled his head free from the daydream, back to the highway and the distant smudge. Behind him other members of the group spread out, swinging the hooks out like a blind-man's cane witching it's way down out into the crosswalk. It's funny, he thought, how the one's who were actually here voluntarily did the least amount of work. He lifted his bag, almost full with garbage, into the air.

"Lots more over here!" he called out, but was only rewarded with blank gazes. Nobody truly appreciated his humor.

He made a silly face and checked his phone. She was supposed to rendezvous with him for coffee before heading to the center. She never showed. He left a message. She didn't answer him back.

Perhaps he had been a bit too forward the day before.

On his suggestion they had spent the afternoon on a hike along the river's edge. It was the result of a foul week for her; her relationship with her father had deteriorated yet again. Another dinner argument; to cry in front of your father is defeat in it's most devolving. The same as when the doctor tells you that you need to come back. The same as undressing.

His solution for her was simple, "Get out of the apartment. Get out of the city. Walk on the rocks, listen to the river. Let me hold tree branches out of your face." It was the last line that got her smiling.

As they leapt from stone to stone they seemed to pick up a natural rhythm in their movements, each knowing which path the other was taking without looking, knowing when to pause and be still, when to move on. She could not help but notice it felt natural to be near him.

The playful pushes and tugs grew more insistent and lingering, and it was not long before Calvin stopped and asked her to sit down. They had come to a large pool, and found shelter under an overhanging boulder.

"Do you like it here?" he asked.

"It's beautiful," she answered.

"It was my duty to bring you here, " he smiled.

"Yeah sure," she responded.

"This part is called Elena's Pool. In the summer, all the high schoolers come here and jump off of that ledge." he pointed, and she looked. "In the winter, not far from now, it will ice over." Calvin's gaze fell somewhere over the treeline and he seemed lost in thought. "Completely."

Tamara looked down at her hand resting on the cool stone, and then looked over to his, following it up his arm. His muscles.

Calvin continued, "This is one of the most beautiful places I know, I come here whenever I can, when things get messy. This water is much, much deeper than it looks. The current and the rocks are constants. A world in turmoil and it is marvelous. The way it should have been."

He looked over at her, "What would you do if I kissed you?"

She sighed; in relief almost. "My friends have asked me that as well."

"Your friends know about me?"

"A few. My roommate isn't the only person I spend time with, you know. I mean I can barely stand the girl."

Calvin did not take his eyes from her.

"The truth is... I don't know what I'd do." And she already knew that he wasn't going to kiss her. Not there on the rock.

"This is a day for you Tam. I'm not here to make your life more complicated."

"But you are Cal."

He didn't answer, and for a long while they sat quietly.

"You're bad news."

His eyebrows raised sharply in offense, but inside, he liked the sound of it.

Back on the boundaries of the highway Calvin turned his gaze towards the far off smudge. There was life there once, and he had to respect that. Had to, with unassuming temerity, knowing that someday everyone would become such a smudge on the wan face of the galaxy. Time was running out.

As he trekked his way along the tar stretch, the other volunteers paused to watch him go.

A small fat-fingered woman who called herself Hazel leaned on her picker and wondered to the group, "He always seems a little lost doesn't he."

Another woman, an unlicensed electrician and mother of four, aunt of eight, piped up, "You just want to take him home right? And give him a good shower and a few beers, loosen him up, let him watch TV for a bit…"

Billsy threw a milk carton down deeper into the drainage and nodded, "and feed em, and pet em, and blow em… that bout right Rachel?"

Rachel laughed caustically, "yeah something like that." Hazel smiled and blushed, but kept her eyes on Calvin's retreating figure.

"He's either a great husband, or a freakin serial killer."

Billsy puckered, "Yah, or both. I'm picking trash with a fucking Lifetime audience. Let the poor brother be, the man obviously has a lot on his mind."

Hazel finally pulled her eyes from the man in the distance, "Yes. And her name is Tamara." They snickered and returned to their work.

The smudge in the distance, once within a stones throw, began to take on the characteristics of a Darwin Award. Roadkill. Tufts of hair were easily the most recognizable characteristic, the skin folded in and stretched like an umbrella plastered to a signpost. A ribcage played peekaboo. Small pointed teeth curled out in a split-zipper grin like a pair of blue jeans blown outward by a cherry bomb. It had rained since this creature has passed; every part of it caught laying flat, pressing down in its drive to return to the earth.

Calvin sighed as he crouched over the corpse, "Young fella, you either were in the wrong place at the right time, or the right place at the wrong time." He lightly ran his fingers along the exposed ribs, smooth and grit-worn. "Be at peace."

What was once a fox then heaved and shuddered, and a light shrill passing of air escaped the craters that had been once ears. Calvin's heart filled with lead and dropped to his bowels. He attempted to jump up, and flee, but found his throat slowly gravitating towards the dead's maw. Like the classic office pratfall experience of getting one's necktie caught in a paper shredder, his throat constricted and pulled lower, completely resisting the stiffness in his arms, the alarm in his knees.

He breathed out a short, "NO!" but something greater had him in its grip.

The fox-corpse peeled its half-face from the hardpan. It regarded Calvin with worm-eaten slits and attempted to work its jaw. A gelatin tongue spilled out and splashed across Calvin's hands. The jaw then split wide open.

Follow us! Leap, leap, leaaaaaaaaaaap!

Raising into a scream: LEAAAAAAAAAAP!

From afar, it was a man and a smudge. The man then collapsed, and Billsy sprinted after. Eighteen-wheelers shrieked by, scouring rubber and leaving the heavy stench of extinction across the interstate.

breaking things

2011-04-06T11:19:00.002-04:00

Breaking in.

Breaking out.

welcome to atlantic beach

2011-03-19T11:32:00.002-04:00

earth as cyborg

2011-03-16T00:24:00.003-04:00

Atlantic Beach, NC

each ides an island

2011-03-15T23:39:00.005-04:00

How many Ides will we reach in this lifetime?

powder

2011-02-16T20:52:00.004-05:00

On a winter walk with my friends Dave and Jenn.
Grayville Falls, Hebron, CT

I'm with the band.

2011-02-13T15:51:00.003-05:00

Finally got a chance to say it. Took a few pictures during a video shoot for the band Creeping Weeds. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Oliver

2011-02-12T19:22:00.003-05:00

Oliver is completely blind. He has memorized the layout of his home; every chair, dropoff, stair and doorway. His dead eyes are the color of sea-glass, and he navigates by the feel and sound of the world around him.

but what of the cardinal wizards?

2011-02-11T18:25:00.004-05:00

For every action there is a supposed equal and opposite reaction. For every part there is a supposed equal and opposite counterpart. For matter there is antimatter; for message there is antimessage.

antiI
antilove
antiyou

Calentynes Day approacheth. Choose your message, or antimessage, wisely.

dit dit dit dit di-di-dit

2011-02-09T22:15:00.001-05:00

Distance

2011-02-01T19:41:00.003-05:00

Once, when we used to hunt, the concept of distance was critical.

It still is.

Know your place.
(song, from a future musical)

fire and feather

2011-01-08T01:40:00.001-05:00

Hoc Voluerunt

2011-01-08T01:27:00.009-05:00

This is a child's perspective, and please note;
this is a message of love.

The honesty of obituaries is questionable.
The nobility of memory is questionable.

He made me strong, resolute in my actions,
and in my beliefs - uncompromising.
Uncompromising can be difficult to live with,
for your loved ones.
She is America, in a sense. Born and wrought by
multiple cultures, forced to fight and to lust prematurely.
We are expendable before her.

I believe that in every bit of matter there is a message, and through every event we can grow, and that the honesty and nobility of learning is the most valuable thing to our humanity.

Sometimes more valuable than a life itself.

descent

2010-11-24T11:12:00.001-05:00

Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico

Family Time

2010-11-20T21:17:00.005-05:00

Gun cleaning with my sister and brother.

mile high minutia

2010-11-19T11:23:00.001-05:00

they that align

2010-11-15T22:38:00.004-05:00

Picture everyone dancing. Now, strip away their skin, tissues, bones and organs... but leave the hearts. Watch how the hearts orbit each other, no need for limbs to balance, fingers or shoulders to touch. Watch how the dance has now changed.

Forget what you suppose about planets aligning. There is something far more dangerous happening here, or far more beautiful. Can't say for sure, just yet.

rooftop crossing

2010-10-30T15:07:00.002-04:00

Hot-cha!

2010-10-17T03:20:00.003-04:00

Boats

2010-10-17T03:18:00.000-04:00

before i go out

2010-10-16T20:32:00.001-04:00

Sunset at Avery Point

2010-10-14T08:26:00.001-04:00

Little tree.

Big tree.

dockside

2010-09-20T10:57:00.002-04:00

behold the vector most beautiful

2010-09-18T18:18:00.005-04:00

The beauty of music is that there always is a source. I wandered the campus until I found this one: All Time Low performs for University of Connecticut denizens.

Bicycle

2010-09-14T23:42:00.002-04:00

Killin' Time

2010-09-13T22:47:00.005-04:00

Yuz call us glenn'd, we dun mind;
We ain't blackbirds on ole powerlines.
We ain't yuz and that's jes fine--
burn me up, we's killin time.

Giddy Up

2010-09-10T02:55:00.003-04:00

Later on, I looked up as she straddled my chest. The shortness of breath was worth it; ribs compressing my kidneys was worth it, awaiting her decision of what to do with me.

That night I wrote in the blue book:

When she climbs on top of me
When she throws her head down and drops her hair into my face
When she lies on me, knees up, straddling my chest, head in my neck
Sleeping like a beautiful unfinished marionette.

“Aren’t you worried she’ll find out?”

“I am not concerned.”

“Shut up, stop saying that.”

“I am not concerned.”

“You’re an ass.”

I blew her a kiss and walked away. You never look back when you leave, just like you always wait until she’s out of sight when you drop her off. Everyone has secrets. There are things, events, actions, that you should never tell a single soul. Things that had a logic or reason to happen, but can never be fully understood. People will look back upon it and never be able to comprehend the history of that event, never be able to look you in the eye without judging. A human being is capable of an extraordinary surrender to the curiosities of survival instinct. These days, you are your own claws; tongue, hands, wit, posture. They will define your longevity. Never ever ever drop the soap, and never ever ever tell anyone those secrets. And unless you have some sort of self-destructive fetish, never write them down either.

Sixteen

2010-08-31T21:31:00.004-04:00

August comes full circle.

I watch my friends and can see they are wary of autumn. Both the sense of it and the reaping. Bumpy rides ahead for all, but winter whispers promises to be beautiful.

save yourself

2010-08-31T21:18:00.003-04:00

fleets of fleas flee fleetingly.

save yourself

2010-08-31T21:05:00.001-04:00

let them abduct you.

save yourself

2010-08-31T20:51:00.005-04:00

when no one is looking?

agosto está muerto

2010-08-31T20:20:00.003-04:00

Flores! Flores para los muertos!!

Movie quote.

Other Worlds Than This

2010-08-29T11:35:00.005-04:00

If there are parallel worlds, then there may exist parallel conversations. Conversations identical to this one may result far differently - with a simple change of inflection, gesture, or intent. We could end up seas apart, watching for an ending that already occurred on another planet, another lifetime. Watching, waiting, wishing, justifying.

May all our dialogues rest in peace.

flower girl

2010-08-24T22:10:00.002-04:00

between the lines

2010-08-24T01:05:00.003-04:00

scarf

2010-08-24T00:20:00.001-04:00

death toll: 91

2010-08-18T22:24:00.004-04:00

In '55, these waters carried corpses.
The Mad River, Winsted CT.

Skivvies!

2010-08-18T22:15:00.005-04:00

drive-by shooting

2010-08-08T19:56:00.005-04:00

Cemetary at 40 miles per hour.
And all your cows are dead.

Scarecrow, Scarecrow

2010-08-08T19:50:00.003-04:00

Alexia brings a scarecrow to life.

someday I would like to whisper this to someone

2010-08-06T13:09:00.003-04:00

The thing about crowds I hate
is that they make me realize how average I really am.
The thing about crowds I love
is that to you I am the only one here.

Chicago

2010-08-06T13:08:00.000-04:00

Chicago, you're gorgeous.

Fifteen

2010-08-04T22:27:00.002-04:00

Sara Jean

The Knot

2010-07-22T00:57:00.006-04:00

If you asked me where I will be two years from now, I would hesitate to tell you. It's against the rules, like going back in time to tell yourself of the future. No, I would need to keep those kinds of things quiet. But... if you look closely... I am showing it. It is in my photography, my writing, my video, my stance, my dance, my gaze, the clay of the world once touched by my hands.
Do you see? Words are too often mistaken for promises, and promises are knots tied too tightly.
Like the final line of a poem, no more words.
Like the beginning of a beautiful war, you are with me.

Portion

2010-07-14T15:45:00.003-04:00

Raw tuna over parmigiano, rabe and kale greens, topped with a ginger tahini mustard, lavender blossoms and peppercorns. And yes, it was delicious.

Sully

2010-07-12T15:00:00.002-04:00

Child's Play II

2010-07-12T14:57:00.002-04:00

Child's Play

2010-07-12T00:29:00.004-04:00

Anchor

2010-07-08T10:42:00.001-04:00

artist/vendor//vendor/artist

2010-07-07T10:54:00.005-04:00

As we get older, the separations blur. All of it. One big freaking We, like a stack of pancakes slowly becoming a clay ball. Some of us seeming more eager to jump into the soup than others.

ciaaaooooo

2010-07-02T16:02:00.002-04:00

Haunted

2010-07-01T07:28:00.003-04:00

Le Défilé

2010-06-30T13:05:00.000-04:00

Suddenly, for no discernable reason, a parade sprang out into the streets. At my friends' urging I abandoned my beer to take a few pictures; I'm glad I did.

Ready Set Dance

2010-06-30T13:00:00.001-04:00

Jasmine preps for the Montreal club scene by hotel light.

Watch

2010-06-29T22:47:00.000-04:00

moment of peace

2010-06-28T23:06:00.000-04:00

At a parade in Montreal, Quebec.

You above all others.

2010-06-23T22:00:00.001-04:00

I have been

we have been

waiting for you

my thought-cloud versus yours

2010-06-23T21:53:00.000-04:00

There should be a thought-cloud here...
but instead, curious objects floating in the image.

This girl is a magician but isn't telling anyone.

but of what?

2010-06-21T21:18:00.000-04:00

The name Alexander means 'Guardian.'

Leg Brace / Life Crutch

2010-06-21T21:16:00.001-04:00

Things I Miss

2010-06-21T21:11:00.000-04:00

I miss downstairs without fear.
I miss lying on my belly and watching the rain out my bedroom window
I miss hopping in puddles, driving stickshift and
I miss the gratification of a full armload.

I miss wandering.
I miss wandering fingers, wandering eyes that suddenly meet across a porch.
I miss the hands running through my hair.

I miss sleep.
I miss showers in the dark.
I miss not knowing what I can't do.
But I am patient. Inhumanly patient.
And we both know what there always is.

Ninety Days

2010-05-24T22:50:00.001-04:00

Whitney.

Strawberry.

Nightswimming.

My friend Zack recently issued a challenge; 90 photos in 90 days. These are the spawn.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T23:10:00.001-04:00

I was lucky enough to be able to spend Mother's Day with four mothers; my own, my two sisters, and a mother hen.

Slipper

2010-05-09T23:04:00.000-04:00

A rare sighting of the lady's slipper orchid.

Granby, Connecticut.

Zoology

2010-05-07T23:30:00.000-04:00

BFFs 4-ever?

Silkworm! Like a little segmented ninja. I am held in complete suspense.

a letter to my friend

2010-05-07T23:23:00.000-04:00

Dear Cassie,

I think that, after today, summer is here. We've had a few hot days out here, sure. But summer is not just about heat. The leaves are out now, but summer is not just about color. The short shorts and sunglasses are also out -in force I might add- but summer isn't about fashion either (you may disagree with me on that). No. I feel like summer comes when you feel a certain resignation; a resignation to socialize, share your spirit and pay homage to the sun watching over us. A resignation to be in motion from now until october, like pinballs spinning and coursing as long as we can handle it. Of course this could just be me. My spirit is in a state of confusion of late, and to share that with the outside world seems … wrong I guess? I feel eyes looking up to me and I have nothing to offer. I feel eyes looking away from me and I want to scream at them. But the false signs of summer imbue hope -the heat, blazing greens and blues, bikinis and tan lines- hope that this isn't quite resignation I feel, but a simple tenderness resulting from missing a recently sloughed-off skin.

Trim

2010-05-02T01:01:00.001-04:00

There be cowboys here.

Man of the Hour

2010-04-27T16:49:00.000-04:00

One of my closest friends about to wed. The last hour before he sees her become his wife, his to-do list seems quite trivial; fasten buttons, adjust a buckle, greet Father in respite and then ... wait.

Long minutes ahead, and great reward.

the trespass

2010-04-19T08:56:00.000-04:00

Boundaries.

Hiding spot.

A way out?

Why is it people are cast away because of how they love, or how they do not? This seems like a pretty big blemish on the universe's resume.

dawn at harkness

2010-04-18T13:22:00.000-04:00

Some birthdays are better began alone. If you have no one to guide, do you sit still? If you have no one to follow, do you unpin your leash? This birthday began with a trespass and ended with a magic trick.

we are no longer home

2010-04-18T13:17:00.000-04:00

Skeleton, skeleton; A greenhouse keeping true to its purpose, even after death.

One Hundred Gates

2010-04-11T13:18:00.000-04:00

Boids

2010-04-03T12:57:00.000-04:00

feeling nostalgiac, alone

2010-04-01T19:31:00.000-04:00

Harlequin Romance

Trees undress in the suspended acorn dust
all over insides spilled with the vested Man's hook;
it seems there's more than one Autumn
happening here.

I'm looking up; the sky it follows hulking winds
that take the breaths of intestine and bile
to heaven; my chin's flicked with red and at least
it's not in my eye.

An affront to hunger; the reek is one last revenge
these animals prank us with, I stare at my father and his
discharged gun, my brow shares friction with wool while I hold
a stomach in my hands

The warmth is like an inside-out cock, empty and whispering,
"This is what you eat," just like my father's latest warning,
"You can put it down." I've rolled in hay and leaves and laundry,
but never guts.

Then the deer's head turned so slightly, to look at me as if he was
drowning in a frosty butcher's masquerade. "You are, you are,"
was how I put it; the deer he understood I think, for then he mouthed
the words, "This is not me."

Nov 2nd 2001

Beach Feet

2010-03-28T11:27:00.001-04:00

a better blitzkrieg

2010-03-28T08:59:00.000-04:00

The High Line, NYC.

On the return train to Port Chester.

pledge allegiance to yourself

2010-03-25T11:54:00.000-04:00

Historically (and musically) a tattered flag has instilled pride. These days, shame. When you awaken tomorrow, ask yourself this question; What is it that I am fighting for?

Report Card Time

2010-03-23T16:05:00.001-04:00

Counting credits / Will I graduate

Screw it all / Rock n roll

shadow casting flora, and one bee

2010-03-18T16:48:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth Park, Hartford.

at the beach after everyone else had passed out

2010-03-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

The sea and the sky
Swapped forces.
The sun sank; gripping horizon,
Exposing the beached-minnow stars
Upon a drained, dark shore.

I decided to bury myself.
It was very difficult.
It took two birthdays.
The lost uncle scratched into my headstone, totipotence.

Needlework

2010-03-14T21:56:00.001-04:00

Substitute thread with love; weave it into complex designs meant to shelter and comfort, to be given as gift and thrown aside in the dark. We are the flesh and blood looms crafting the quilts, capes, and tourniquets of tomorrow.

Eyes For You

2010-03-14T21:55:00.001-04:00

Tilt-Shift Still Life

2010-03-10T16:32:00.000-05:00